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Counting Wrong, Desperate Uncertainty: Purim and the Golden Calf
It’s an odd thing that the holiday of Purim is celebrated around the time we read Parshas Ki Sisa, the Torah portion that features the sin of the golden calf. Quite a juxtaposition celebrating the Jewish people’s greatest victory while also reading about their most tragic mistake. I’m sure there are volumes of commentary explaining why this is, but this year one similarity between the two stories jumped out at me.
Chapter 32 of the book of Shemos/Exodus starts, “The people saw that Moshe was late in coming down the mountain, they gathered against Aharon and said to him, ‘Arise, make us “elohim” that will lead us for this Moshe, the man who brought us up from the land of Egypt, we do not know what happened to him.’” According to Rashi, Moses had told the Jews that he would return from the mountain by the 6th hour of the 40th day. But he counted the day after he left as the first of the 40 days while the Jews thought the day he left was the first day. What a misunderstanding!
Regarding the Purim story, Achashverosh’s party actually celebrated that Temple hadn’t been rebuilt by the prophesied 70 years, and that meant the Temple would never be rebuilt. But once again he miscalculated and celebrated a bit prematurely. So the common thread we’re seeing here is that due to a delay in schedule, everything goes to hell.
Does this really make sense? On one hand we’ve got the Jewish people at their highest spiritual level after hearing God speak merely 40 days prior. Then after 6 hours (well halachic hours, so really by noon time) of waiting they go and commit the first sin God tells them not to do? In Shushan, it may be easier to understand the capitulation. 70 years comes and goes and there seems no sign of a return from exile. But why are they celebrating?
It would be simple enough to write both stories off as a fault of impatience. However, I think there’s a deeper element to it. It was no accident that the Jewish people misunderstood Moses’s time table or the prophecy of the Temple’s rebuilding. In fact, that was the whole point.
Living with uncertainty is one of the hardest challenges. Whether you’re waiting to hear back about a job, medical test results, or God forbid, not having your texts or calls returned from a loved one after an uncharacteristically long time, every minute feels like an hour and every hour like a day. The uncertainty can get so difficult that you’re happy to get the negative answer just to put an end to the waiting. The limbo can be so hard, a person can give into their darkest and most desperate emotions. I think what these two stories are trying to convey is that in these uncertain moments, the strongest most powerful connections with God can be forged.
The Jews demanded Aharon build them a golden calf, not because they were looking for a new God, but because they were pleading for a new leader. They wanted Moses to return to shepherd them, but this could have been the moment where the Jewish people learned they didn’t need a leader or an intermediary to connect with God. The Jews in Shushan had given up on ever returning to Jerusalem and they finally started assimilating into Persian society. Their salvation wasn’t around the corner like the Jews with the golden calf. In fact, the Purim story transpires over 10 years. Mordechai waits day in, day out outside the palace for years regarding news about Esther. He saves the Achashverosh from an assassination and isn’t rewarded for half a decade. Esther sits as a prisoner waiting for her moment to act for years. But from their patience, they ushered in a salvation that brought the Jewish people to a deeper connection to God than the Jews at Mt. Sinai.
Anxiety over a problem is usually worse than the problem itself. There can certainly be bad outcomes, but many times we find we get ourselves bent out of shape for nothing. If things start to no longer go to plan, the threshold of doubt goes on for too long, and we feel those feelings of anger, panic, or the desire to throw it all away overwhelm, try to keep it together. Drastic action may be warranted, but make sure that it is coming from a logical place, not a place driven by fear. The simple choice to stay rational may bring you to heights of self control and success you never imagined possible.
This D'var Torah came from my weekly blog.
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