Communities

Writing
Writing
Codidact Meta
Codidact Meta
The Great Outdoors
The Great Outdoors
Photography & Video
Photography & Video
Scientific Speculation
Scientific Speculation
Cooking
Cooking
Electrical Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Judaism
Judaism
Languages & Linguistics
Languages & Linguistics
Software Development
Software Development
Mathematics
Mathematics
Christianity
Christianity
Code Golf
Code Golf
Music
Music
Physics
Physics
Linux Systems
Linux Systems
Power Users
Power Users
Tabletop RPGs
Tabletop RPGs
Community Proposals
Community Proposals
tag:snake search within a tag
answers:0 unanswered questions
user:xxxx search by author id
score:0.5 posts with 0.5+ score
"snake oil" exact phrase
votes:4 posts with 4+ votes
created:<1w created < 1 week ago
post_type:xxxx type of post
Search help
Notifications
Mark all as read See all your notifications »
Q&A

Welcome to the Judaism community on Codidact!

Will you help us build our community of learners? Drop into our study hall, ask questions, help others with answers to their questions, share a d'var torah if you're so inclined, invite your friends, and join us in building this community together. Not an ask-the-rabbi service, just people at all levels learning together.

When does not forgiving become holding a grudge?

+4
−0

Yoma 87a and Rambam Hilchot Teshuvah 2 both describe requirements for doing teshuva and gaining forgiveness. According to them, the one doing teshuva must first make restitution and then, in front of witnesses, ask the wronged person for forgiveness (possibly more than once). The implication is that there is no obligation to forgive one who has not done these things.

Vayikra 19:18 forbids holding grudges.

My question is: how does one tell the difference? When does not forgiving, because the wrongdoer has not yet met the conditions, turn into holding a grudge? Is it only holding a grudge if nothing would appease you? Does holding a grudge involve a strong emotion like hating, as opposed to there just being unfinished business? Is there a time component?

For purposes of this question, assume that the wrongdoer knows that you feel wronged. This isn't about unknown slights.

History
Why does this post require attention from curators or moderators?
You might want to add some details to your flag.
Why should this post be closed?

1 comment thread

General comments (1 comment)

0 answers

Sign up to answer this question »