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Pretty much every approach you mentioned has its adherents. To give some examples:
[Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayyim 551:10](https://www.sefaria.org/Shulchan_Arukh%2C_Orach_Chayim.551.10?lang=bi) rules that it is permissible to drink the *havdallah* wine during the nine days.
Rema ad loc. notes a local custom not to drink the wine, but instead to give it to a minor to drink. If no minor is available, then the adult making *havdallah* drinks the wine.
[Mishnah Berurarah 551:70](https://www.sefaria.org/Mishnah_Berurah.551.70?lang=bi) believes that the minor under discussion is one who has reached the age of *chinuch*, but not yet of the age where he is able to mourn the destruction of Jerusalem.
~~[Aruch HaShulchan Orach Chayyim 551:26](https://www.sefaria.org/Arukh_HaShulchan%2C_Orach_Chaim.551.26?lang=bi) notes that the custom in his locale was to use beer.~~

Pretty much every approach you mentioned has its adherents. To give some examples:
Orach Chaim 551:10 rules that it is permissible to drink the *havdallah* wine during the nine days.
Rema ad loc. notes a local custom not to drink the wine, but instead to give it to a minor to drink. If no minor is available, then the adult making *havdallah* drinks the wine.
Mishnah Berurah 551:70 believes that the minor under discussion is one who has reached the age of *chinuch*, but not yet of the age where he is able to mourn the destruction of Jerusalem.
[Aruch HaShulchan, Orach Chaim 551:26](https://www.sefaria.org/Arukh_HaShulchan%2C_Orach_Chaim.551.26?lang=bi) notes that the custom in his locale was to use beer.

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